Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Blow .16 and Kiss Your Big Mac Goodbye

It is a well known fact that DUIs constitute a serious risk on the roads and streets
Too often loss of control and another car, light pole, pedestrian or bicyclist a DUI will meet
Thousands of drivers and passengers each year are maimed or die
In collisions with or caused by DUIs
In the U.S. despite checkpoints, police and other drivers for DUIs on full alert
12,000 people each year from DUIs now lie under six feet of dirt  
In the U.K. maybe because of tighter laws or driving on the wrong side of the street
Less than a 1000 Brits after someone’s night at the pub have the Grim Reaper to meet
But despite the lower number of deaths In the U.K., that prim and proper British isle
A new problem has arisen that should make us here smile
Involves not getting behind the wheel of a car or on a bike
But for many a business in college towns it has the owners psyched
The new concern sweeping the U.K. is that deadly sin of EUI
Maybe because it violates the deportment and manners the English signify
Eating under the influence is a growing trend
McDonalds the purveyor of the Big Mac has decided it must end
Its outlet in Cambridge will now patrons breath analyze
Anyone who blows more than .16 will not be allowed to patronize
If driving, before blowing, one would have to a field sobriety test fail
If one blew .08 or more it’s the cuffs and off to jail
At MacDonald’s not sure what sort of test one must fail before one has to blow.
Stand on one leg and hold a French fry in one hand
While bringing it eyes closed to grace one’s lips the urge to eat withstand?
Or walk a straight line parallel to line of boxes for Big Macs forward and reverse?
Or eyes wide open without moving one’s head watch a fry as it left to right, right to left slowly traverses?
A good thing to keep DUIs off the English roads no doubt
But question whether a patron should be banned from a Big Mac if he has one too many pints of stout
© May 5, 2015 Michael P. Ridley aka the Alaskanpoet
Alaskanpoet for Hire, Poems to Admire

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